To read Preparing for Birth Part I: Physical Preparation, find it right here.

As the days wound down and I was in my last few weeks before my daughter was born, I began to address my fears around birth.

My biggest fear was that my midwife would advise me to transfer to a hospital and then I would have a C-section. I had heard this story from many women, and I could feel it lingering with me in the back of my mind.

I reached out to a mentor of mine, and I was able to speak the fears while using EFT Tapping. I brought them from the subconscious into the light.

We went through all the possible scenarios, bringing the unspoken thoughts forward to be loved. Speaking the fears out loud, and having them acknowledged, allowed me to step into a place of surrender.

We ended the session by traveling to an imagined future of “the ideal possible outcome.” Wisdom from my higher and future self reminded me, “My body was designed for this.” And “So many have done this before me.”

After the session, I wrote the names of women who I actually knew, who had birthed before me. Women that had shared their birth stories with me, stories that inspired me, and reminded me of the innate power women hold.

I decided to place these names on a birth altar.

Creating a Birth Altar

A birth altar is a place in your home where you can place sacred objects to remind you of feeling supported during birth.

You may like to incorporate the four elements onto your altar: a feather to represent air, a candle for fire, a crystal or stone for Earth, and a bowl of water to honor the water element.

There may be words or affirmations you place there, or the birth affirmation or mantra you formed from your mother blessing ceremony.

I placed my personal birth affirmations: “My body was designed for this” and “I am surrendered, I am surrounded by love.”

The combination of being witnessed in sharing my fears, along with reconnecting to the lineage of women who had birthed before me, deeply supported me in releasing what I no longer needed to hold.

I remembered these women and their birth stories as I looked at their names again and again. I pictured them birthing their children as I would soon birth my daughter.

I often would read their names out loud and remind myself that if they could do it, I could do it too.

Establish Sacred Boundaries

There were a number of strange experiences leading up to my daughter’s birth that taught my husband and me the importance of establishing strong boundaries, especially around our home, where we were planning to give birth.

Without going too deeply into the story, we had planned to rent a room in our home to a friend of a friend for a short period of time. What began as an act of generosity slowly became clear was not an aligned fit for our space or energy. When we asked her to leave, she resisted, and we spent over a week living in a tense environment during a season that was meant to feel peaceful and supportive as we prepared to welcome our baby.

There was another unsettling experience as well. One evening, a neighbor called to tell us that someone was sitting on the front steps of our home. He explained this person had previously thrown a rock through his window, and the police ultimately needed to be involved.

Looking back, these experiences felt symbolic in many ways. They showed me how important it is to consciously protect the field of the home during pregnancy and birth preparation. As women open physically, emotionally, and spiritually in preparation for labor, there can also be a heightened sensitivity to the energies, people, and dynamics around us.

In addition to changing our locks and placing “No Trespassing” signs on our gate, I began practicing simple energetic clearing rituals for our home. These practices helped me feel grounded, safe, and connected to the space where I would eventually labor and give birth.

Here is a simple energetic clearing practice you can use in your own home, or even in the hospital room you arrive in to to birth.

This post continues with the energetic clearing ritual I practiced before birth, the story of receiving my daughter’s name in a dream, and a simple ritual to welcome baby Earthside when you’re ready…

Read more

This post was originally posted on my website.

As you move closer to birth, there are so many little ways to begin preparing your body, your heart, and your baby for the threshold ahead.

At the end of my pregnancy, I learned there were a few simple ways I could support my baby to move into the best position for labor, an opportunity to create more space, more awareness, and more ease for baby to find their way through the pelvis.

In general, an optimal position for labor is when baby is head down, with their spine facing toward the front of your belly. This position can support baby’s chin tucking and the head moving through the pelvis with more ease. When baby’s spine is toward your back, sometimes called “sunny side up,” labor can feel more intense in the back, giving it the name, “back labor.”

Of course, babies move, bodies are different, and birth has its own mystery. But there are simple practices that may help create space for baby to settle into a supportive position.

The Flashlight Test

One of the simplest ways to think about positioning is to do the flashlight test: imagine there is a flashlight pointing out of your belly button.

As much as possible, you want that flashlight pointing down toward the floor.

This means that when you sit, you are sitting upright, with your belly gently tipping forward and down, rather than leaning back into a soft couch or slouching into your tailbone. You might sit on the edge of a chair, on a birth ball, or with your hips slightly higher than your knees.

When your belly points down, gravity can help encourage baby’s spine to move toward the outside of your belly. This is the position many women hope for as labor approaches, because it may help reduce the likelihood of back labor.

This does not mean you can never recline or rest. Pregnancy asks for rest! But it is usually best to rest on your side (rather than on your back) as you progress further into pregnancy.

If you are spending many hours sitting, especially near the end of pregnancy, it can be supportive to bring awareness to the shape of your body and the direction of your belly. A simple question to ask is: “Where is my flashlight pointing?”

Hands and Knees

One of the most helpful positions for creating space in the belly is coming onto hands and knees.

In yoga, this is often where we practice cat cow. Your hands are under your shoulders, your knees are under your hips, and your belly is free. From here, you can slowly move your spine, arching and rounding, breathing into the back body, and letting the pelvis gently rock.

This position gives baby more room to shift. It allows the belly to hang freely, and it encourages baby’s spine to move with gravity toward the front of your body. It can be especially supportive if you are hoping to avoid back labor or if you sense baby may be posterior.

A few slow rounds, done with breath and presence, can be enough. You might imagine your womb softening like water, your baby gently floating, your pelvis becoming spacious and receptive.

Hands and knees can also be a beautiful position in labor itself. Many women naturally move this way when they need relief from intensity in the back or more space in the pelvis.

Dolphin Pose, Gently Modified

Another position that can support baby in having more room to reposition is a modified dolphin pose.

One version is to place your knees on the edge of a couch, with your hands and forearms on the floor. Keep your head lifted off the floor and look toward your hands. The idea is to let your belly soften and create a little more space for baby to dislodge from the pelvis and possibly settle in a new way.

This kind of inverted position should be used sparingly, especially late in pregnancy. It is generally only something to explore if baby is already head down and you are close to labor. It is not a pose to hold for long periods of time, even less than a minute is fine.

Listen closely to your body. Come out if you feel dizzy, strained, nauseous, or uncomfortable. And if you have any pregnancy complications, pelvic pain, high blood pressure, bleeding, placenta concerns, or if you are unsure whether this is appropriate for you, check with your midwife, doctor, or prenatal yoga teacher before practicing.

Inverted poses like dolphin and headstand can be very helpful when baby is breech: head-up feet down position, this can help baby turn before going into labor.

The intention is not to force baby to move. It is to offer space.

A Visualization Practice

Image Source

At one point, I watched a video of a birth practitioner demonstrating with a doll the optimal way a baby moves through the pelvis and out of the body. Seeing the pathway so clearly stayed with me. I began to visualize this journey over and over again, imagining my baby gently rotating, tucking, and finding their way through each stage of descent.

Sometimes I would place my hands on my belly and quietly send these images as messages to my baby: showing the path, offering a sense of direction, trusting that my baby could feel and respond in their own way. It became an intimate practice of connection and preparation, one that helped me feel more engaged in the process unfolding between us.

Let the Body Lead

Pregnancy is a time of deep listening. Your body is already communicating with your baby. Your baby is already communicating with you.

As you explore these positions, notice what feels good. Notice where your breath opens. Notice when your body wants to pause. Sometimes the most helpful practice is very simple: sitting upright, walking, resting on hands and knees, breathing into the pelvis, and trusting the intelligence of the womb.

Birth is not something we can fully plan, but we can prepare a sacred inner and outer environment. We can make space. We can listen. We can support the body in feeling safe enough to open.

Womb Healing

If you are in this season of pregnancy and feel called to prepare not only physically, but emotionally and spiritually, I invite you to explore womb healing with me.

Womb healing can support you in listening more deeply to your body, softening fear, tending to old stories, and creating a grounded connection with your baby before birth. It is a space to be witnessed as you approach one of the greatest thresholds of your life. (Also very powerful in healing previous birth experiences, as well as your own birth.)

If you feel the call, you are welcome to reach out and learn more below. To continue reading, click here: Birth Preparation Part II: Energetic Preparation.

With love,
Meredith

Learn More About Womb Healing Sessions

More Maiden to Mother Articles on Substack: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent, A Simple Ritual for Grief, Through Adversity We Find Our Strength, A Ritual to Make Peace with the Changes in Your Body and Rituals for a Mother Blessing Ceremony, Ritual for Pregnancy Loss, A Ritual for Honoring the Choice to Not Become a Mother, A Ritual for Honoring the Choice Not to Have More Children

Find more posts like this one on my website.

More Maiden to Mother Articles on Substack: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent, A Simple Ritual for Grief, Through Adversity We Find Our Strength, A Ritual to Make Peace with the Changes in Your Body and Rituals for a Mother Blessing Ceremony, Ritual for Pregnancy Loss, A Ritual for Honoring the Choice to Not Become a Mother

Having a child is a profound commitment. It asks a great deal of a woman physically, emotionally, and practically. Childcare alone can cost around $20,000 or more per year. Beyond that, motherhood often brings sleepless nights, demands on the body, and a reshaping of daily life that can pull time and energy away from a career, friendships, personal freedom, or other dreams.

From this perspective it makes complete sense for a woman to choose to not have more children.

However, the decision often feels more complex. For many women, the biological longing to have a child is real.

So is the pressure that comes from family, culture, and the questions about what comes next. “When are you having another one?” Even when a woman feels clear in her choice, those voices can stir doubt, grief, or uncertainty.

A woman may live for years in uncertainty, of leaving the door cracked open just a little longer, of saving the baby clothes in bins, keeping the carrier tucked away in a closet, holding on to the toys and tiny socks and receiving blankets because some part of the heart is still waiting for maybe, one more.

That in-between time can be more tender than people realize. It can hold longing, relief, grief, confusion, and a quiet exhaustion from the mental not-knowing.

The threshold of becoming a mother is often marked in visible ways. There is a pregnancy, a birth, a baby shower, a meal train, a stream of congratulations. But the threshold of knowing you won’t be having another child often happens in isolation.

Part of what makes this passage so complex is that even when a woman feels clear she does not want more children, she may still be saying goodbye to something she deeply loved. There is often grief around the finality of no longer returning to the new baby phase. The sweetness of a newborn curled against the chest. The softness. The awe of that new beginning. The intimacy of being so immediately needed. A mother may miss that season even while knowing she does not want to be pregnant again, give birth again, or move through the depletion and upheaval that can come with those early years.

A woman can deeply love her motherhood journey and still feel complete.

But, there are others who do long to have another child, and it just hasn’t happened. And they don’t know if it ever will.

Or maybe she’s a yes and her partner is a no, or vice versa.

It’s possible the journey never quite feels complete, but something inside is telling her it’s time to move on.

To close that door energetically is to make space for the next chapter of her life.

This ritual provides the space for these layered truths to be honored and named.

The Ritual

Preparing the Ritual

Gather the Baby Stuff

The woman being honored may take some time to put together a basket of the clothes, toys, blankets, or keepsakes she has been holding on to. These become part of the ritual, tangible symbols of the season she is preparing to release.

Connect with Unborn Spirits

For women who feel connected to the mystery of spirit babies or the souls who may wait on the other side, this threshold can carry an additional tenderness.

There may be imagined children, sensed presences, dreams, or quiet inner relationships that never came into form. Even if a woman is clear in her choice, there can still be grief or reverence around those unborn souls. It may be healing to acknowledge them directly, to write them a letter, to speak to them during the ritual, to let them know they are felt and loved.

Welcoming the Village

Ideally, this kind of ritual would be held in an intergenerational circle. There is something powerful about being witnessed by women in different phases of life: women with young children, women whose children are grown, grandmothers, elders, and/or women who are not mothers. Each carries a different facet of feminine wisdom and together they can help her remember what she can hold sacred and what she no longer has to carry.

What You’ll Need:

• Blessed water or anointing oil

• A flower

• An altar in the center of the circle

• A candle

• A basket of baby items that are ready to be passed on

Beginning the Ritual

The gathering may begin with a few moments of silence, allowing everyone to arrive fully.

One woman can open the circle with words that honor motherhood as an initiation.

She may name the labor, the physical giving, the emotional stretching, the small acts of devotion that shape a mother over time.

Sacred Sharing

Then the mother is invited to share. She may speak about the ambiguity she has lived in, how long she has held the question, and what it has been like to come to this choice.

She may name what she loved most about the new baby years, the moments that still live in her body, the sweetness she knows she will miss.

She may also name what she is grateful not to go through again, the exhaustion, the body changes, the birth, the demands of the newborn phase. This is a space to honor both.

Reflections

After she speaks, the women gathered around her can reflect back what they have witnessed in her mothering.

They can name her devotion, the beauty of what she created, the tenderness she offers, the sacrifices she made, and the ways she has grown.

Releasing the Items

At some point in the ritual, the mother may begin to hold each baby item one by one. As she lifts a piece of clothing, a toy, or a blanket, she can speak a memory, a blessing, or a simple goodbye. She might remember the child who wore it, the season it belonged to, or the feeling it still carries for her.

When she’s finished the women in the circle are invited to respond around the circle with a phrase such as, “We honor this season with you.”

The items can now be placed aside to be donated or passed along (maybe there’s even another woman in the circle ready to receive these blessed gifts).

Letter Reading

If it feels right, this is also a beautiful moment to honor any souls who may have been waiting on the other side. A letter can be read aloud, or she can take a moment to honor the connection and let them know they are welcome to stay as guides or to move on to another family ready to welcome children.

Womb Blessing

The mother may now speak words of blessing over her womb and body, thanking them for what they have carried and acknowledging that the space once held open for another child is now being released. She can use blessed water or an anointing oil to anoint her womb.

Blessing the Next Chapter

The ritual can then gently turn toward the future. The women enters a fertile void of possibility for what life may look like from here. What would she like to do with the extra space in her life? What new direction is she moving toward?

She may now have the space to speak about the art, work, leadership, service, community, relationship, spiritual life, mothering her current child or children, and/or other interests she is ready to explore and devote time and energy to.

She can share any of her intentions: perhaps she’s ready to welcome more spaciousness, self-care, creative expression, stillness, or freedom.

If older mothers or grandmothers are present, they may offer blessings for the season ahead and speak to the forms of life, creativity, and spaciousness that can open when early motherhood is complete.

A Space to Blossom

A flower is given to the mother to place on the altar as a symbol of all that is ready to blossom in her now.

The ritual closes with blessing: We honor (name) in all that she has birthed into this world. If grief meets her on this journey of release, may she honor it, and remember the support of this circle, and the women holding her through this transition. May her heart continue to trust and open to all that is available to her from here.

This ritual honors the season that has been, and opens the door to fully meet what is now arising.

Stay tuned for next week where I will share rituals to prepare for birth.

With love,
Meredith

Find more posts like this one on my website.

More Maiden to Mother Articles on Substack: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent, A Simple Ritual for Grief, Through Adversity We Find Our Strength, A Ritual to Make Peace with the Changes in Your Body and Rituals for a Mother Blessing Ceremony, Ritual for Pregnancy Loss

I want to recognize that motherhood is not a path all women will walk.

There are women who never feel the longing to become a mother, and consciously choose a life without children. There are others who long to become a mother, but for whatever reason, whether it be their choice or not, it doesn’t come into form.

In either case, there can be a complexity of emotions that arise around the topic.

Many would say we live in a culture that expects women to become mothers, and even measures a woman’s worth by fertility or birth-giving. Women who choose not to have children often find themselves having to explain or justify that choice—to family, to friends, or to the wider culture. There can be painful (spoken or unspoken) judgments that they receive— that their choice is selfish or somehow they’re incomplete in their womanhood.

In many ways, we have inherited a narrow understanding of what it means to be a woman.

There is often an unspoken expectation for a woman to become a mother, and yet, there are many paths a woman may walk in this lifetime. Some are called to birth children. Others are called to birth a creative project, a business or other form of art or service in the world.

The creative life force that lives within us is not limited to physical birth. The womb is a source of potential, a place of becoming. It is where ideas are conceived, where visions are nourished, and where what is unseen begins to take form.

This creative power exists in every woman.

The Goddess, in her aspect of She Who Brings Life Into Form, is present whether or not a woman has carried a child, and whether or not she has a physical womb in her body (because of hysterectomy). The womb (or womb space in the case of hysterectomy) can be understood as both a physical and energetic space—a center of creation that lives within all women.

To walk a path of creation may look like tending to others, supporting life in quiet or visible ways, or offering one’s gifts in service to the world. It may also take form through art, music, writing, dance, or a body of work that is devoted to improving our world.

These creations are all expressions of the creative life force.

To create is to participate in the unfolding of life.

In this ritual, we honor the many ways a woman brings the formless into form.

We honor the courage it takes to listen inwardly and choose a path that is true.

We honor the devotion required to nurture what is being created, whether it is a child, a body of work, a community, or a vision that lives in the heart.

Each woman is invited to connect with her own creative center, to bless the life force within her, and to name what she is bringing into form.

This is a ritual of remembering that the power to create, to nurture, and to bring meaning into the world lives within us.

This ritual comes from the work of Ruth Barrett in her book, Women’s Rites, Women’s Mysteries, A Guide for Intuitive Ritual Creation.

A Ritual to Honor the Choice to Not Become a Mother

Ideally, this ritual would be held in community, with other women who are choosing a path without children. If this is not possible, a woman may invite a sister or two to be there to support and witness her sharing.

Each woman brings a symbol of her creativity with her.

The ritual begins with each woman speaking aloud the internalized, harmful voices of her culture, religion, parents, and/or her own self about childbearing.

As the words are spoken they are written down, and the paper that contains them is burned to release each woman from others’ expectations. (The burning can be done after or during the ceremony. If burning the paper is not an option, it could instead be be torn up, submerged in water, or buried).

Then there is space for any women who deeply longed to have a child, but didn’t or couldn’t, to speak their grief. To share and hold sacred the imagined future they held for so long in their womb and their hearts. This offers a moment of release while being held and witnessed in a supportive circle of sisters.

The ritual space is then purified with herbs to clear the energy and make a transition space for women to honor the choices they have made.

A circle sister speaks about the womb as the literal and symbolic source of potential and fertility that each woman knows.

Her words honor the womb as the source of creative power, to be channeled how each woman chooses. She encourages the women to internally reclaim their wombs as their cauldrons of creation.

In turn, each woman blesses her womb, anointing her belly with an anointing oil. (An anointing oil can be any body oil infused and blessed with your favorite essential oil or oils.)

Each sister says aloud what she creates and how she sustains and protects her creations: how she is a Creatrix.

As she speaks about her creativity and how she nurtures and protects life, she adds her symbol to the group altar.

Each woman follows this sister’s example and declares how she uses her womb to create beauty and meaning in her life, then adds her own symbol of her creativity to the altar.

The ritual concludes with words that honor their choices and all the many ways women use their creative life force energies.

~

Stay tuned for next week where I’ll be sharing a ritual for when a mother chooses to not have more children.

With Love,

Meredith

This post also lives on my website.

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the Maiden to Mother series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent, A Simple Ritual for Grief, Through Adversity We Find Our Strength, A Ritual to Make Peace with the Changes in Your Body and Rituals for a Mother Blessing Ceremony

To enter the brave world of welcoming new life, also welcomes the possibility for loss. The workings of the womb are incredibly mysterious, spiritual and beyond our control.

To welcome new life is also to deeply surrender to a plan greater than ourselves. We don’t know what’s on the other side, who this being will be, if they will be healthy, and/or if they will make it to become a new life on Earth.

Pregnancy loss can take many forms.
For some, it is a miscarriage of a deeply wanted child.
For others, it is the complex and often tender decision to end a pregnancy.
And for some, it is the devastating loss of a baby later in pregnancy or at birth.

While these experiences are different, they can all carry grief, questions, and a need for healing.

I’ve worked with—and personally know—many women who have experienced miscarriage, preterm labor, and the layered grief that can follow an abortion. These experiences are far more common than we often speak about. (For example, about 1 in 4 pregnancies ends in miscarriage).

Life and death is woven into the fabric of our lives. To be born on this plane, is to also one day know death.

I have come to believe some conceptions were never designed to go all the way to birth, but were there for deep spiritual lessons for everyone involved.

Conception is a powerful way to move karma. It brings us into clarity around what we want and need in life. It calls a relationship closer, and sometimes breaks it apart.

These souls on the other side are here to support us in our highest growth and evolution.

My Story of Miscarriage

When my daughter was 16 months old I experienced a miscarriage at 8 weeks gestation. It was an unplanned pregnancy (We made love around day 5 or 6 of my cycle and somehow this led to a conception). And yet, when we found out, my husband and I were a full yes. We put plans into motion to welcome this being.

Although it was not what I would have planned, I completely surrendered myself to a higher plan.

We decided it was time to take steps towards our dream to buy a home in Northern CA (after our winter in Colorado we knew this is where our true home needed to be).

Over the two months I was pregnant, I told my family, and a small group of women in my community.

Although I was overwhelmed by taking care of a toddler just starting to walk, was still breastfeeding, I was excited to welcome this soul. I felt a “she” energy, but never officially found out. If this pregnancy had stayed, my daughters would have been exactly two years apart, with a very similar due date in March.

Then around seven weeks some light bleeding started.

I said a prayer:

Please God, align me with whatever would be in the highest and best good for all ~ for myself, my husband and our daughter.

I made an appointment to see a doctor. She did an ultrasound and let me know there were two yolk sacs— which meant twins.

Read more

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the Maiden to Mother series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent, A Simple Ritual for Grief, Through Adversity We Find Our Strength, and A Ritual to Make Peace with the Changes in Your Body

When I was eight months pregnant there were several rituals I participated in to honor and mark the entrance into motherhood.

This included a mother blessing circle, a sacred ceremony that honors a woman on the threshold of motherhood. It’s an alternative to the traditional baby shower, or can be created in addition to one. Unlike a baby shower, which often focuses on gifts for the baby, a mother blessing ceremony turns its loving gaze toward the mother-to-be—her strength, her spirit, and the transformation she is about to undergo.

Rooted in ancient traditions, mother blessing ceremonies are intimate and intentional. They can be simple or elaborate. They may include only women friends, or extend to family, partners, and elders. Some mothers may wish for a quiet, feminine circle; others may want to invite fathers-to-be and their broader village.

If you are creating a mother blessing ceremony for a sister, friend, or client, take time to talk with her about what she desires. Let her guide the energy of the circle.

These ceremonial elements are inspired by my doula teacher Barbara Essman of The Sacred Birthing School in Kauai, a prenatal village circle I participated in with a group of women in Colorado, and some from my own intuitive creation.

Here’s an outline of a mother blessing ceremony, as well as rituals that can be included.

Opening the Circle

Welcome the guests and the mother-to-be with intentional words:

“Welcome to our circle today. We are here to witness and celebrate [name] as she prepares to welcome her baby into her home and into the world. We are here to create a sacred space of support to carry her through labor, birth, and into her new role as a parent.”

Calling in the Four Directions

To enter into sacred space, you may like to invite the energies of the four directions to hold the space:

• East: Breath of new life and new beginnings.

• South: Fiery determination. The baby’s first cry.

• West: Waters of the womb. Plentiful nourishment. Release of an old identity.

• North: The Earth to hold, the Ancestors to witness.

Call each direction in with an invitation: “We welcome and invoke the direction of …. thank you for being with us today.”

Often I also include the directions of below (those who came before us, and Mother Earth herself), above (the angels and guides looking down upon us) and within (intuition, the inner teacher, the soul and inner guide).

If you’re curious to learn more about facilitation and holding space for ceremony, consider joining us in The Way of the Priestess Initiation Program

Guided Meditation

The facilitator may offer a short meditation to bring everyone into their bodies, presence and deep listening.

Ancestral Introductions

Each person may like to say their name around the circle and speak names of their lineage:

“I am [Name], daughter of [Mother], granddaughter of [Grandmother]…”
as an opportunity to remember and weave the ancestral web.

Beaded Necklace Ritual

Each person strings a bead onto a necklace for the mother. As they do, they silently (or aloud) offer a prayer, gift, or commitment to the new mother—preparing a meal, offering postpartum support, being there for all the emotional and physical changes. The mother then can wear or bring this necklace to her birth, remembering the layers of support that surround her.

Releasing Fears

Pass around slips of paper. Invite each person to write down fears, distractions, or worries—without speaking them aloud. These are placed in a jar to be burned later, releasing them into Mother Earth’s hands for transformation.

In a smaller circle, the mother may wish to speak her fears aloud before placing them in the jar to be released. Consciously witnessing and releasing our fears before labor is a powerful way to open to and surrender to the greater mystery. The burning can be part of the ceremony or done afterward.

Creating a Birth Affirmation or Mantra

In one ceremony I participated in, I was invited to share the vision of my birth in the group. I shared about being between the worlds, in the dark, in the water, with my husband holding my hand and my midwife nearby. (My daughter was born at 10 PM while I was in the birthing tub, so it’s powerful to see how I could intuitively feel the energy of the scene).

Taking the time to imagine and feel into the best possible outcome aligns us with those possibilities.

The facilitator then asked me to create a birth mantra on the spot. Something simple I could repeat leading up to and during the birth.

The words that came were: “I am surrendered. I am surrounded by love.”

Bath Salt Blessing

After creating the birth mantra, I was handed a bowl with salt and rose petals and an empty jar. I was asked to take a pinch of salt from the salt bowl and place it into the jar while saying my birth mantra. The facilitator then invited me to pass the bowl and jar around the circle, and I listened as every woman spoke my birth mantra and infused the salt with their love and prayers. At the end, the rest of the salt was added to the jar, and it was then given to me to take baths with leading up to my birth.

Every time I took a bath with the salt, I thought of my sisters. I spoke my mantra. I infused my being with a state of surrender and trust.

The Red Thread

Read more

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent, A Simple Ritual for Grief, and Through Adversity We Find Our Strength

As we shift from maiden to mother, our bodies change.

Our hips grow wider, our breasts grow larger, our body becomes soft and open to welcome this being into our lives.

In pregnancy, I began to notice changes happening in my body: dark patches of melanin on my nose and forehead, little red dots or moles on my back and belly, cellulite and stretch marks on my thighs amidst a growing belly and breasts.

Beyond the changes brought on by new hormones, I also began noticing my first wrinkles and grey hairs. There was a lot of change in a short period of time, and I felt a need to formally acknowledge the changes in order to make peace with them.

This is a ritual to use, whether you are desiring to simply make peace with aging, or becoming accustomed to a body that is preparing to or has birthed children.

Ritual for Making Peace with the Changes in Your Body

The key element of this ritual is about stepping out of emotional isolation around these changes.

So think about who in your life could hold a nonjudgmental space around the changes you notice in your body.

So often we witness these changes in isolation, letting them run on repeat every time we look in the mirror, without ever sharing them with another soul.

Maybe the person to witness you is your partner, maybe it is a friend. Maybe it is someone who holds the wisdom of being on the other side of these types of changes.

Whoever it is, acknowledge yourself for taking a brave step in claiming a new role and identity.

This is a ritual that could be done 1:1 or shared in an intimate group of women, with an intention of healing our relationship to our bodies.

Leading up to the ritual take some time to journal:

How do I feel in my body now?

What changes do I notice?

How do I talk to myself about these changes?

What thoughts are on repeat?

How do these changes make me feel?

To open the ritual, Call upon your angels, guides and protectors, all the benevolent ones here to witness and support you.

Invite a partner to say, “I’m here to witness you”

When you’re ready, share from your heart (or your journal).

What is changing in your body?

What do you feel, see and notice?

What has been lost?

What has been gained?

What wisdom may you hold as you walk in the world, no longer as a maiden but now as a mother?

Let yourself be lovingly witnessed in what you share.

Invite your partner to offer any reflections (reflections are what they see, feel and notice from hearing your share, not advice)

Notice how you feel being witnessed, baring it all.

Can you begin to integrate these changes into your being? Can you allow yourself to be celebrated in these changes?

Can you begin to see that the stretch marks on your belly or thighs created space for new life? That the wrinkles forming at the corners of your eyes are a testament of how much you have seen, how much you have smiled, laughed and loved?

If the mother-to-be is open to it, she could receive gentle touch, caress, anointing from her partner as a way to honor and love this body as it is now, and as it changes.

You can close the ritual with a prayer, “May we remember to love and honor our bodies as sacred vessels for new life.”

Our bodies are literal vessels. Vessels for the mission we came here to make, but also vessels for new life to emerge.

There may be pieces we need to leave behind at the threshold of the seven gates, a sacred exchange, marking the ways we have been guided on an initiatory path. Whether it’s our youth, our complexion, our weight…

Can we see these changes as sacred offerings?

Keep reading with my next post,

With love,

Meredith

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, My Journey of Descent and A Simple Ritual for Grief

In the last few weeks of my pregnancy, I would carry my grief to the Boulder Creek. I would speak what I needed to release to the water, and then I would submerge my whole being into it.

“May anything I am holding that is no longer serving be released as I submerge myself in this water. May I my spirit and my body be cleansed, healed and purified.”

The icy water literally took my breath away. It purified me. It held my tears.

During this time I was led to an ashtanga yoga community quietly practicing together six mornings a week (it was just a block from my house).

I practiced yoga almost everyday, in community. I went on hikes and long walks. I accustomed myself to the altitude.

Slowly, as Winter turned to Spring, I formed a connection with the land, and I found my strength.

My Vedic astrology teacher Richard Powell often quotes a Taoist teaching, “A tree does not know its true strength until its branches are covered in snow in the winter.”

I was beginning to adjust to a new identity, in a new place, with fresh eyes.

Although challenging, I realized I had fully surrendered myself to be initiated.

My year in Colorado prepared me for a death and rebirth that I don’t think I would have been able to have if all my familiar comforts were around me.

In the story of Inanna, she pounds on the gates.

She longs for the initiation.

She understands that initiation is a natural part of life.

She doesn’t run away from it.

She flings herself into it.

She knows it is here to shape her into the woman she is becoming.

It is through adversity we find our strength, it is through grief we find our love, and it is through Winter that we truly appreciate the beauty of Spring.

I let life live through me in those final days of pregnancy, and I found my strength through it all.

Keep reading with my next post, A Ritual for Making Peace with the Changes in Your Body.

Until then, sending love,

Meredith

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, The Story of Inanna, and My Journey of Descent

If you’re one of the many people in this world holding grief right now, may this simple ritual offer some form of solace.

For this ritual, I invite you to find an object you can give meaning to, to represent the grief you’re holding.

To explain the ritual, I will use a stone.

Feel the weight of the stone, the texture of it. Decide what this stone will hold for you. What have you lost?

Decide if you’d like to do this ritual alone, being witnessed by spirit or nature, or in community, being witnessed by others.

Find a location, a place in nature that can hold your grief. I often find a specific tree to hold the grief with me.

Invite in your guides. Speak your grief out loud. Hold your stone. Imagine the stone carrying some of the weight with you.

Let yourself cry, wail, emote with your stone.

So often I feel grief just wants to be witnessed.

It doesn’t want to be rushed. It will come and go like a wave, only to return later with more layers that want to be felt.

Allow yourself to be witnessed by the land, the trees, the water.

Speak your grief, feel your pain, and know that you don’t have to hold this grief alone.

Offer your tears to the land, they are sacred. Speak your story:

In this journey of your becoming, what have you lost?

What do you miss?

What do you long for?

Grief reveals to us how deeply we have loved.

Can you identify this pain and loss with your love?

After speaking about your grief out loud. Offer your stone (to the tree, to the water, to the Earth, whichever makes sense for you).

As you offer your stone, ask for help: ask that you are shown the ways you are not alone. Ask Mother Nature to hold this grief with you. Ask Great spirit to hold this grief with you. Ask that all your angels and guides hold this grief with you.

Remember that the size of your grief reveals to you how deeply you have LOVED. That is sacred. That is irreplaceable. That is holy.

Your grief is your love, expressed.

Sit in the silence. Offer your stone to the tree.

Now ask:

How can I turn this grief into beauty?

Into art?

Into gardens?

Are there ways this grief wants to move through movement?

Expression?

Does it want to be sung?

Written?

See how creativity may be with you through the journey of grief.

Thank your guides, angels, protectors, Earth witnesses.

Return to this sacred spot when you long to be held, to remember, and to release.

Keep reading in my next post, “Through Adversity, We Find Our Strength.”

With love,
Meredith

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, Pregnancy, and The Story of Inanna

When I was about 6 months pregnant, my husband and I decided to move to Boulder, Colorado. This is where my husband was from, where much of his family lived and also the same state where my parents were planning to spend the winter and spring (My baby was due in March). It felt like the right place to be to embark on such unknown territory, even though it was far from friends and land I loved.

It was when we landed there, winter began, and the grief started.

I was struck first by the landscape: the cold, barren expanse of land and mountains in the distance. It was starkly different from the green rolling hills in winter that I was accustomed to in California.

When we arrived I soon realized I couldn’t feel a connection to the land. The plants were dormant. They were losing their leaves. The snow started soon after. It was a time of hibernation for winter. I hadn’t experienced a true winter in almost 12 years.

And there were so many things I gave up before leaving. I kept thinking about my beloved car that we decided to trade in (for one with all-wheel drive for the snow).

My friends, the ones who had known and loved me for over a decade, were now all a plane ride away. My status as a yoga teacher and a community member where I was often recognized living in a small town of Northern California was released. My support system felt stripped. Life became increasingly isolated. I almost didn’t realize how much was missing, how much I had given up in making this choice until it was gone.

I was a nobody in this new city. No one knew me or the gifts I had to share. Besides my husband, and the occasional visits with family, I felt lost.

What I didn’t know at the time was that I was going to experience a huge shift in identity in becoming a mother, and the move just made the process that was already happening under the surface, more apparent.

Our choice to move was not for our own personal desires. It was for this child, and for our family. It was just one of many choices that I began to see, how differently I would have chosen if it was just me.

But as much as it all felt like a big mistake, I needed to trust the process. The rightness I felt in it when we made the decision.

But after the move, expenses began piling up: the cost of the move, hiring a midwife, renting a home, furnishing it and buying basic things we needed in a more expensive city.

What an interesting time it was, to prepare to stop working while at the same time take on new expenses.

Part of the reason we felt comfortable taking on these extra expenses was because my husband had signed with a client that was going to provide a cushion for us to rest into over the next year.

Two months after living in Colorado, that deal fell through.

I felt helpless about the new expenses we had chosen, about to give birth (at this point in only a few weeks), as my income as an entrepreneur was winding down. I had saved enough for a few months of maternity leave, but wasn’t planning to accommodate all of these extra expenses on my own.

But I knew there was no going back, only forward.

Just like Inanna, walking through the gates, one item at a time was stripped away: first my car, then my friendships, my status as a teacher in my spiritual community, and at least temporarily, my work and savings accounts.

Slowly, I started to feel that I didn’t know who I was anymore.

I decided to attend a meditation retreat the week leading up to Christmas, a dream I had held for years, to be in stillness and meditation with a baby growing in my womb.

The space offered solace in a time of unknown. I leaned into my practice.

Upon my return I learned my in-laws did not think it would be safe for me to join them for Christmas, because of their fears of COVID (their other son was preparing for a surgery and COVID would have greatly compromised his immune system), and because I had been with a group of people on retreat (even though I had been carefully wearing a mask the whole time), they felt it was best I didn’t come.

I returned home from the retreat on Christmas Day to discover this news. I felt alone, cast out, isolated. Something about this triggered a deep, primal grief inside of me.

I remember crying deep, loud sobs by myself in the dark with this being in my belly, alone in this new home in an unfamiliar city.

What had I done?

One thing after the next, I was stripped of the life I once knew.

I had lost my connection to place, to land that was familiar, friends I knew and loved.

I was being asked to surrender to a process that was completely unknown.

If you’re working through grief and loss in your life, I invite you to listen to this beautiful song for grief - Apprentice by Alexandra Blakely.

“This work is holy, soul-cleansing slowly…again, and again.”

If grief arises in your journey of pregnancy or postpartum, know you are not alone.

To shift from Maiden to Mother, there is an inherent loss, in order for one to be born anew. It is a completely different identity to step into. It’s an initiation, an initiation that requires a death before a rebirth.

Thanks for being here, and staying with me this far. Keep reading with my next post and a ritual for grief.

With ❤️, Meredith

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the series in sequence: Introduction, Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen, and Pregnancy.

I was in a “Birthing From Within” class when our teacher told us the story of Inanna. She used metaphors for preparing to birth, like journeying to the underworld and finding our way out of a labyrinth, transformed.

I didn’t quite know why she was telling us this story, but in hindsight, it was deeply meaningful to remember as I shifted from pregnancy to birth to new motherhood.

I remember we had an email thread with the group from our class and as each couple passed through the threshold of birth they would reply something like, “Inanna, I get it now!”

As my pregnancy progressed I sat in the mystery, watching pieces of my life begin to transform before stepping through the gates of my own initiation. But before I share more on that, here is the story of the Goddess Inanna:

Inanna’s Story

Inanna is the world’s first goddess of recorded history and the beloved deity of the ancient Sumerians. The tales and legends of the ancient Sumerians date back to around 2000 BC. The Sumerians were considered the creators of civilization as modern humans understand it. And their control of the region, which is present-day Iraq, lasted for almost 2,000 years. They were known for their innovations in language, governance, and architecture.

Inanna was later identified as the goddess Ishtar, as well as Astarte and the Greek Aphrodite. She is the goddess of love, war, fertility, sensuality, procreation, divine law and political power. She’s deeply connected to the planet Venus, known as the daughter of the moon and the morning and the evening star, who also goes through a cyclical death and rebirth process when viewed from Earth. Venus rules transitions ~ from night to day and day to night, as she appears at dawn and dusk. When she crosses paths with the sun she is considered to be making the journey of descent and re-emergence, a path that Inanna also wove.

As I tell you this story of the descent of Inanna, I invite you to get comfortable, maybe even imagine yourself sitting around a fire. Let your consciousness open to receive the story in whatever way it’s meant to land for you.

I’m going to tell you an ancient story — one that has lived for thousands of years, a story of descent, stripping away, initiation, and re-emergence. It is the journey of Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth, but it is also the journey of every woman who has ever felt called into the mystery — into birth, into motherhood, into loss, into transformation, into her Priestesshood.

Long ago, in a land of temples and bustling cities, Inanna reigned as the Queen of Heaven and Earth, the world of light, the upper world similar to the world we know now. She was powerful, dignified, capable — the kind of woman who seemed to manage her life with ease. She held authority, beauty, recognition. People admired her. In many ways, she was a reflection of the modern woman who has everything “together.”

But beneath the surface of her well-ordered life, a whisper begins calling to her.
A voice from the Great Below, the underworld — a place of depth, shadow, and the unconscious.

Inanna… Inanna… Inanna…

She tries to turn away, but the call becomes stronger. It isn’t threatening; it is insistent. It invites her to see what she has not seen, to feel what she has not felt, to learn what she does not yet know.

This call lives inside all of us.
It appears in moments of transition — loss, grief, illness, heartbreak, spiritual awakening. It is the mystery, what is unknown, beckoning us into our greatness.

It is the voice that says:
There is more. Go deeper. Something inside you is waiting to be reclaimed.

Preparing for Descent

Knowing she could not ignore this calling, Inanna prepares herself in the only way she knows — by gathering the symbols of her identity and power.

She places a crown upon her head, symbol of her sovereignty.
Around her neck she fastens her lapis necklace, the adornment of her voice and truth.
She drapes her body in royal beads, slips a golden cuff over her wrist, and fastens her breastplate over her heart — the armor she believes she needs to remain protected from the world.
She wraps herself in her royal cloak, a sign of her status and protection.
Finally, she takes up her measuring rod, a tool of judgment, helping her discern right from wrong, good from bad.

These adornments represent the ways she holds herself together — her confidence, her identity, her defenses, her sense of self.

We all have versions of these:
The resume. The clothes. The makeup. The mask. The persona.
The ways we hold ourselves “above” the chaos so we feel in control.

But a descent doesn’t begin with control.
This initiation will require surrender.

Inanna’s faithful servant, Ninshubur, watches her prepare. Seeing the queen dressed in full regalia, she asks, “Where are you going?”
“To the underworld,” Inanna says, “to learn what I do not yet know.”

Ninshubur’s face pales. “No one returns from the underworld unchanged.”

Her fear is a familiar voice — the friend or mother who warns us to stay safe, the internal voice that questions every leap.

“Ninshubur,” she says, “if after three days I have not returned, gather my allies, mourn me, and ask the wise ones to seek my return.”

In giving her loyal companion a task, Inanna transforms the fear around her into support, and finds someone to hold vigil for her return.

With her preparations complete, Inanna begins her journey.

The Gates of the Underworld

At the entrance to the underworld stands the first gate, guarded by Neti, the gatekeeper.

“Who are you?” Neti asks.
“I am Inanna, Queen of Heaven and Earth. Let me pass.”

Neti descends into the depths to bring this news to Ereshkigal, Queen of the Underworld — Inanna’s sister.

Ereshkigal represents Inanna’s shadow side, the part of her that she never lets see the light. They are two sides to the same coin.

When Ereshkigal hears her sister has come, she bites her lip and slaps her thigh. She understands that this descent will change everything.

Ereshkigal orders, “Bolt the seven gates. At each gate, strip her of one of her symbols of power. Let her enter naked and humbled.”

This is how many descents begin, with unraveling.

When Inanna approaches the first gate, Neti removes her crown.
“What is this?” Inanna protests.
“The ways of the underworld are ancient,” Neti replies. “Carry on.”

At the next gate her lapis necklace is taken, then her beads, then her golden cuff.
Piece by piece she is undone.

Each removal asks her:
Who are you without what you’ve built? Without what protects you? Without the identity you show the world?

This stripping is familiar in a transformative season of life.

Something must fall away so something deeper can be revealed.

By the time Inanna reaches the last few gates, she is crawling through narrow passageways, her body becoming dirty, scraped, and bare.

Without her breastplate, her heart is exposed.
Without her cloak, her body is unprotected.
Without her necklace, she has trouble speaking her truth.

The deeper she goes, the harder it becomes to remember why she had come.
This too is part of descent — the forgetting, the fog, the disorientation.

At the final gate, when she is asked who she is, Inanna whispers, “I am… this.”
No titles. No accomplishments. No adornments.
Just essence.

If you are a mother reading this, you may recall that tender time of new motherhood, how birth breaks us open, and then so much seems to be sacrificed all at once: sleep, time alone, physical space…

Read more

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the series in sequence: Introduction, Chapter One: Preconception, Conception, When Conception Doesn’t Happen. This is part one of Chapter Two.

When I found out I was pregnant, I was completely surprised.

I knew the conditions of that night were powerful, and we were open to the possibility, but I was in awe and shock that life was actually growing in my body.

I had never been pregnant before, and didn’t know what to expect. As I mentioned, I was staying with my sister when I found out, helping her in her first few weeks postpartum. Here we were together, learning about how to care for a newborn when I learned in just 9 months I would also become a mother. With nearly a decade between us, this unexpected timing became a tender new way for us to meet each other not just as sisters, but soon as mothers.

What to Eat in Pregnancy?

In the first couple months I learned I desperately needed to shift my diet.

At the time I was eating mostly vegetarian (with occasional fish or chicken), after years of being strictly vegetarian. I had not eaten red meat in 11 years. So I was pretty surprised when one night I had a dream I was playing soccer on a field and kept struggling to run and keep up with the ball. I walked off the field and someone handed me a plate of filet mignon.

I knew how to listen to the signals of my body at this point, and this was a pretty obvious one. I decided to trust the guidance of my dreams.

So the next day, I went to a local market for lunch and filled my to-go container with the red meat available: meatballs from a grass-fed local meat source. As I integrated red meat back into my diet, I felt more satiated, less nauseous and more grounded. My favorite pregnancy foods became spaghetti bolognese with ground beef, buffalo burger patties, and on rare occasion, filet mignon.

This was a lot to wrap my mind around, ethically and spiritually. I did my best to surrender to the process and listen to what my body and baby needed during pregnancy and breastfeeding. It took about two and a half years after my baby was born to shift back to a mostly vegetarian diet. I recognized that my body needed to become more resourced and do a lot of replenishing the stores of nutrients I had lost through the journey.

If you find yourself pregnant, I invite you to listen to your dreams and intuition. The more you listen to it, the stronger it will grow, the easier it will be to take action, and most likely you’ll feel so much better for it.

“Morphogenetic” or “Morphic” Fields

As pregnancy continued I was surprised at how often people wanted to tell me what I could and could not do.

There seemed to be a whole lot of rules for pregnant women: no sushi, no deli meat, no hot tubs being a few I heard.

There were a whole lot of stories and beliefs I thought I had no choice but to subscribe to.

I told myself I could no longer travel as freely, I would need to take off a pre-determined amount of time from work, and in general would need to “give up” quite a lot to make space for this new being in my life.

Well it wasn’t long into that way of thinking where it made me feel like a victim.

For sure, there were choices I wanted to make, like being close to my midwives and having regular prenatal care and being close to my family so we could share this time of pregnancy and having a newborn together, but there were also some beliefs that I knew did not resonate and I needed to release.

For example, I discovered it was more valuable to see close friends in person than it was to worry every day about getting COVID. I decided it was more important to travel and see my best friend for a mother blessing ceremony she wanted to create for me than it was to avoid all airports. I discovered it was more important to me to connect with my husband at a beautiful hot spring (and listen to my body, and drink lots of water) than it was for me to avoid all hot water.

There were ways I could navigate “the rules” by listening to my body and intuition.

I needed to find my own inner compass and trust within myself, instead of blindly following other peoples directions.

And some would say, this is one of the first initiations into motherhood, because once that baby is here, we have to navigate a whole world of “shoulds” when it comes to parenting. Listening to our intuition in pregnancy becomes the foundation for listening to our intuition once we are a mother.

All these beliefs around what one should or should not do around pregnancy is what I would call a morphogenetic field.

Scientist and researcher Rupert Sheldrake uses this term to describe when a group of people subscribe to certain belief systems or ways of being. For example, when enough people believe pregnancy is inherently fragile or dangerous, that belief forms a kind of collective template. Suddenly, everyone seems to be repeating the same cautions and limitations as if they are universal truths—whether or not they’re actually grounded in one’s personal reality.

Every community has its own collective memory, shaped by the stories and expectations that get repeated over time. These narratives form a kind of energetic template that many of us subscribe to without realizing it.

So being pregnant, I was suddenly plugged in to a field of people that were subscribing to certain beliefs about pregnancy.

And we don’t have to agree to those fields and ways of being if they do not resonate, but it does require us to be cognizant and make choices from a place of inner trust.

It’s certainly not easy to overcome those fields, especially when it comes to the medical system and deciding where to birth. It takes a lot of trust in our inner knowing to carve out a different path.

So what does carving your own path to motherhood, or anything for that matter look like?

Where are you blindly subscribing to beliefs in your life that you know no longer resonate?

Where have you been overriding your own inner knowing?

For me, it looked like hiking and skiing and traveling and choosing to birth my baby at home.

And it may look very different for you.

What’s important is that we continue to carve out our own path guided by our intuitive choice, not solely based on what other people expect of us.

It’s about finding the freedom to make choices based on our inner wisdom and being guided by the peace, joy, and calm that arises from living from that place.

…In my next post I will share about a Birthing From Within class I attended, where I learned about the myth of the Goddess Inanna… Keep reading here.

If you’re just arriving here, you’re invited to read the Introduction, Preconception, and Conception before this one.

In my womb healing work, I often meet with women who are trying to conceive.

Over the years I’ve discovered when conception isn’t happening, it helps to rule out some of the energetic and emotional factors that could be contributing:

Divine Timing

I believe the soul of a child has a specific destiny, and sometimes is simply waiting for the right alignment in the stars to be born. In Vedic astrology, the time of birth is considered a printout of a soul’s karma. It may take one or more years to align with the timing that would be most auspicious for their birth.

Fear

We may be on board for something with our rational mind, but there could be subconscious fears preventing a conception. Since it’s important for all souls involved to be a “yes” on a subconscious level for a conception to occur, it’s worth asking about your own fears, and/or having a conversation with the partner involved.

Take some time to journal:

What fears do I have about pregnancy or motherhood?

What subconscious beliefs might I be holding about becoming a mother?

Some examples:

How will my relationship change?

Will I still have time for my interests?

Am I afraid of giving birth?

Will I be a good mother?

In journaling and healing sessions one may discover underlying wounds, limiting beliefs, feelings of unworthiness, or subconscious fears that are ready to be healed.

When we are holding on to these fears or limiting beliefs, and they don’t have a space to be witnessed and loved, our body may postpone conception for protection.

I’ve worked with many clients to heal pain from their childhood, and their relationship to their own mother to energetically be ready to welcome a conception.

I believe the souls coming in now are like teachers for us, guiding us to our own spiritual inner work that may be in order to be fully prepared to welcome them into our lives.

Dynamics in the Relationship

After exploring subconscious fears and limiting beliefs, it’s important to also look at the relationship:

Do both partners feel on board?

Are there any conflicts happening under the surface?

Is anyone carrying shame or resentment?

Is there a mutual feeling of respect and love for each other?

Is there anything that is not being spoken?

It can be so helpful to have a conversation and share from the heart with each other. A space where fears, hopes and dreams can be honored and witnessed.

Perhaps this is an invitation to be honest, feel the emotions that arise and see if you can create a space of safety and compassion for each other.

Karmic Conditions

There may be certain karmic conditions that make conception more difficult (a Vedic astrologer can spot these). In Vedic astrology, we believe the soul comes into this life with a certain set of karma based on previous lifetimes.

We believe that our time on Earth is an opportunity to work out and burn through difficult karma and create good karma for future lifetimes to ultimately attain a more conscious and loving state, (the ultimate goal being liberation from suffering by reaching union with the divine).

There may be reasons we cannot know why becoming a mother is harder for some than others, but our Vedic chart can offer some insights. A Vedic astrologer can pinpoint timelines that would be most conducive to conception (think of it like finding out when the wind is at your back supporting you), often relating to when the 5th house (all about children) and the planet of Jupiter (the bringer of children) become activated.

Trauma Related to the Womb

It’s helpful to heal any experiences of birth trauma (your own birth, or your experience of giving birth), as well as any experiences of past pregnancies, abortions or miscarriages. You may also like to explore your relationship to the masculine (was there any abuse or abandonment in your past?), as well as any abuse or limiting beliefs inherited from the mother line (your mother, grandmother and great-grandmother on the mother’s side). Sometimes these imprints hold the keys to unlock the doors for a conception to occur.

Address Underlying Health Conditions

There may of course be health conditions underlying infertility (hormonal balance, physical barriers, etc.) in which case it’s best to talk to your doctor about next steps.

One may want to explore options we have available today like IVF and donor eggs/sperm. I’ve also worked with women who have had success on this path while healing spiritual and emotional factors that could be contributing.

~

Whether its about healing emotions, trauma from a past birth, or other spiritual, emotional, generational or relational factors, womb healing can be so supportive.

I’ve supported many women to go on to have a healthy conception and pregnancy as well as women that choose to make peace with the possibility of not becoming a mother in this life.

For those who want to further explore if a womb healing session may be right for you, take some time to reflect and journal on the following questions:

Womb Healing Journaling Questions

Did I ever feel shame around my sexuality?

When did I not honor my own boundaries?

Did I ever feel shame around my menstrual cycle?

What’s the story of my first menstrual cycle?

What’s the story of my first sexual experience? Was I able to be in my voice and ask for what I needed?

How do I feel about being a woman?

Have I had any physical health challenges related to the womb? What could they be telling me?

Do I feel worthy and enough?

Have I had any abortions or miscarriages that I may still be holding grief around?

What was my experience of giving birth?

Do I know anything about being in the womb of my mother or my own birth?

What’s my relationship to my mother?

When do I struggle speaking up for myself or asking for what I want?

What holds me back from fully expressing myself?

(I often find challenges related to the womb are often linked to a sense of self-worth as well as finding confidence in using our voice)

Learn more about the womb healing work I do here:

Learn More ~ Womb Healing

Recommended Books for Preconception and Conception:

Spirit Babies: How to Communicate with the Child You’re Meant to Have by Walter Makichen

Sacred Birthing: Birthing a New Humanity by Sunni Karll

Keep reading with my next post about carving your own path in Pregnancy.

When opening to conceive, it helps to know what’s happening in your menstrual cycle. Each month, your body moves through four phases—follicular, ovulation, luteal, and menstrual—each with its own signs, energy, and purpose. Using the Fertility Awareness Method to track these rhythms not only helps you identify your fertile window, but also deepens your relationship with your body’s natural wisdom.

Tracking Your Cycle

The follicular phase marks new beginnings of the ovaries preparing to release an egg. It begins the same time menstruation starts (day 1 of your cycle), and lasts until ovulation, usually around day 14. Hormones rise gently, and many women notice an increase in energy, clarity, and creativity. This phase carries the energy of the waxing moon, the Maiden archetype and the freshness of spring—a time for ideas, planning, and feeling your energy return after menstruation.

Next comes ovulation, the most fertile phase of the cycle. This is when an egg is released and conception becomes possible. In a 28-day cycle, this usually happens around day 14. Physically, one may notice slippery, egg-white cervical fluid, a subtle rise in temperature after ovulation, and/or an increase in libido and desire to socialize. This moment mirrors the abundance and openness of the Mother archetype and the brilliance of the full moon and the season of summer. It’s helpful to begin to notice the subtle changes in your body and mood during this phase of the menstrual cycle when trying to conceive, as the fertile window usually only lasts for a few days.

After ovulation, your body enters the luteal phase, when progesterone rises to support a possible pregnancy. If conception has occurred, this hormone helps the embryo implant. If not, your body begins preparing to shed the uterine lining. Many women experience a natural shift inward during this time along with the desire to rest more, to simplify, or notice emotions that were easy to ignore earlier in the month. This phase holds the energy of the waning moon, the season of Autumn, the archetype of the Queen or Wild Woman—direct, discerning, aligned with what is true.

Finally, the menstrual phase is when the uterine lining sheds and the body enters an inward, deeply intuitive state. Many women find this time ideal for reflection, rest, and listening closely to the messages of the body and spirit. This phase corresponds to the season of winter, the Crone archetype and the quiet energy of the new moon—a doorway into breathing, feeling and visioning what is to come.

By tracking and noticing the physical signs of each phase—cervical fluid changes, basal body temperature, shifts in energy and mood—you begin to recognize your fertile patterns with greater clarity. Your cycle becomes less of a mystery and more of a partnership. As you familiarize yourself with these rhythms, you cultivate a relationship with your body that supports not only conception, but your overall wellbeing.

To learn more about the phases of the menstrual cycle and their correlated phases of the moon, sign up to receive my free guide:

Align with the Moon and Your Womb

Herbs for each phase of the menstrual cycle:

Note:Please check with your provider or herbalist about any pre-existing conditions, if you are taking medications, or have irregular cycles before starting any herbal protocol.

Herbs to Support Each Phase of the Menstrual Cycle

Follicular Phase (Post-menstruation → Pre-ovulation)

Focus: ovarian support, cervical fluid, rising vitality

Nettle Leaf

• Deeply restorative and high in iron

• Supports adrenal energy and rebuilding after menstruation

• Helpful if cycles feel draining

Ovulation Phase

Focus: cervical fluid, libido, vitality, relaxation

Damiana

• Supports libido and pelvic circulation

• Calms the nervous system, helping the body stay receptive

• Traditionally used as a fertility ally

Luteal Phase (Post-ovulation → Pre-menstruation)

Focus: Calming, progesterone steadiness, warmth

Vitex (Chaste Tree Berry)

• Supports progesterone balance

• Best taken consistently throughout the month rather than just in this phase

Menstrual Phase (Bleeding)

Focus: nourishment, gentle circulation, emotional grounding

Raspberry Leaf

• Mineral-rich (iron, calcium, magnesium)

• Supports uterine tone and replenishment

• Nourishes the body after blood loss

Note: Once one is pregnant, it is generally advised to stop taking vitex, damiana and to wait to use raspberry leaf in the second or third trimesters. Nettles are safe to use during preconception and pregnancy.

Conception

At the moment of conception, I’ve heard that the souls of mother, father and baby form a soul contract, something that all three are in agreement to, at least on a subconscious level, for a conception to occur.

The night we conceived, I didn’t know for sure if we conceived. I was on day 10 or 11 of my cycle and felt it was too early for it to be a true conception (however I now know sperm can live up to five days (even up to seven in rare cases) in a woman’s body. I was thinking we would wait another month before really trying, but the universe had other plans.

My Conception Story

We were in New York City in June visiting family after not seeing each other for most of 2020 and 2021 during the pandemic. I felt so alive getting to travel again. We had plans with my parents to drive up to Woodstock to stay in the home of my mother’s friend. It was a sacred property that had Native American stone piles from long ago. There were magical creeks, hiking trails a wood-burning sauna, and overall beautiful property.

Last minute, my parents decided not to come. (I like to think this was my daughters orchestration)…

Read more

Kalalea Mountain, Kauai

Maybe you found this series because you are pregnant, curious about the threshold you are about to cross on the other side of birth. Or maybe you haven’t yet conceived, are preparing to begin trying, or are struggling with fertility and deeply long to become a mother, holding a quiet hope in your heart for the child who has not yet arrived…

A Surrender to Divine Will

From a young age, I knew I wanted to be a mother. Nurturing was natural for me, and I always adored my pets when I had one to care for.

But when I began dating my now husband in 2012, he wasn’t sure fatherhood was part of his path. Actually, he was pretty resistant to the idea of becoming a father.

I listened for years, wondering if this was the man I was supposed to be with. There were a few times where we almost parted ways, but the universe would somehow always conspire to bring us back together.

When we had been together for about five years, I knew I needed to make a choice - to stay with a wonderful partner, where motherhood may not be part of my path, or to let him go to fulfill this deep longing to be a mother.

I looked to mentors in my life who were not mothers, the woman who led the pilgrimage I attended in Egypt, and the yoga teacher I went on retreat with in Costa Rica — they were living deeply fulfilling lives, traveling the world, and serving many, many people. I knew if motherhood was not the path God chose for me, I would be ok. I would still have so many ways to lead and nurture through my work. So I surrendered my will to the divine, and I fully chose my partner.

We married after being together for six years, and about four years after that, my husband let me know something was changing for him, and he was becoming more open to the possibility of having a child.

I was elated, knowing this dream I had consciously offered into the hands of the Divine, was now a real possibility.

Spirit Baby Communication

As I became closer to my time of becoming a mother, I could feel myself slowly being prepared. I attended a birth doula training on the island of Kauai, which in a way, felt like a ritual entrance into my own journey of birth and mothering. I also found the book, Spirit Babies which helped me connect to the spirit that was wanting to come through.

I believe at any one time, we may have multiple spirit babies. Souls who feel connected to us, that may or may not choose to incarnate in this life. I also believe the conditions of conception - the time, place, emotional tone, all play a role in which spirit chooses to come through at any time, based on the laws of karma.

If these souls are not given a chance to incarnate with us, they may stay with us as guides throughout our life, or they may choose to come through someone close to us - a friend, sister, brother for example, and we may notice a connection, something unspeakable and spiritual that we have to each other throughout our lives.

In the case of abortion, I believe the soul either continues to stay with us, to wait for the next opportunity for pregnancy, or if conditions are no longer ripe to come through, may stay with us as a spirit guide or find another body to incarnate in.

In the case of miscarriage, I believe it can be a profound opportunity, it’s possible that some souls know they weren’t here to be birthed but are here to help us move through karma, teach us lessons, and support us to surrender to a greater plan. It’s also possible that these souls know when the conditions are not quite right for their birth, and choose to wait for another opportunity of conception at a more cosmically aligned time (I’ll share more about this in a later chapter).

Connect with the Soul of your Baby

If you’re calling in a soul, hoping to conceive, it’s a beautiful practice to simply tune in and connect with the spirit of a possible future child.

This can be done by yourself or with the potential father of your child. Find a quiet space, light a candle, welcome in your guides, and see if you can feel the spirit of your future child. Imagine as if you are becoming a vessel, opening to receive the divine guidance above and all around you. Speak out loud, “I welcome the spirit of my future child(ren). Breathe, wait, listen.

See if you can see or feel any colors or emotions.

When I first connected to my spirit babies, I was on the island of Kauai. I felt a boy first, he had a cool blue energy that was calm and reserved. He felt very familiar to me, someone I have probably known in past lives, and also began to appear to me in dreams. I also felt a girl that held an energy like a spark of light. She was fiery and passionate. And our relationship felt more new.

When I finally got pregnant, I thought I was having a boy for the first ten weeks, and was shocked when the blood test results came back as “Girl.”

Later in my pregnancy, I had a session with a medium who let me know there were a few souls hoping to come in at the moment of conception, and the conditions were most ripe for her to join us at that moment in time. She dove in, almost pushing the others out of the way, knowing this was her chance. And boy was I right about her fiery personality…

Dreams

Once you’ve opened to connect with the spirit of a child, pay attention to your dreams. Begin writing down what you remember from dreams when you first wake up (put a journal and pen right next to your bed before going to sleep). I often have visitations from possible spirit babies in my dreams.

Writing

You can also write to your future child. Start a page with Dear one, and share your questions, your fears, your love, your excitement. Turn the page and imagine stepping into the role of your future child. From that place of in-between, imagine writing back to yourself (Dear Meredith, ….).

Land Offerings

During my preconception year (2020-2021) I was living with my husband in Kauai. Land offerings became a consistent practice for us.

I learned from the people around me, and what intuitively felt right.

A flower placed on a tree root, a drop of menstrual blood into the soil, I even offered one of my favorite crystals to a friend who threw it into the sky towards a waterfall at the center of the island.

These gestures became conversations with the land, a practice to build a relationship with the world around me.

Why Leave Offerings?

We live on land that gives to us endlessly—food, shelter, medicine, beauty and a sense of place. The Earth holds us. She holds our grief, our joy, our memories, our prayers. When we begin the practice of leaving offerings, we shift from unconscious taking to intentional reciprocity.

Offerings are a way of giving back, of honoring the unseen spirits of the land, of entering into conversation with the sacred intelligence that lives in the rocks, water, plants, and wind.

You can leave offerings anywhere that feels sacred to you—especially the land you live on. But on the Hawaiian Islands, this practice carries an especially potent charge, because of the deep history and trauma of colonization. For many Native Hawaiians, the land was taken by force. As visitors or settlers—especially as white people—leaving offerings becomes a small but important act of acknowledgment and repair.

The most meaningful offerings are those that carry value and intention. Not just what you want to discard, but what you truly cherish. The land will feel your love.

Some powerful offerings include:

• Fresh flowers or flower petals

• A piece of chocolate

• A stone or crystal that holds meaning

• A strand of your hair

• A heartfelt prayer

• Menstrual blood returned to the Earth

• Tears, breath, song

• Dried tobacco

• Herbs

• Blessed Water

I found that leaving land offerings became especially sacred when I began calling in my child and was preparing to conceive.

A Ritual to Welcome your Baby Home

You can think of a preconception ritual as an energetic container of safety and love to welcome your baby into.

Of course, many conceptions happen without any preconception ritual. It is not at all necessary to conceive. But if you are hoping to conceive, and want to start the process intentionally, you can think of the preconception ritual as a way to fully claim your “yes” to welcoming a child, and to create a conception vessel, an energetic nest of love to welcome them into.

Before we conceived our daughter, my husband and I brought offerings to Kalalea on Kaua‘i—a mountain known to resemble a pregnant woman lying on her back. There’s a story that many believe— that this place is where souls enter and leave Earth.

We were getting ready to leave the island for an indeterminate amount of time. We brought flowers and chocolate to a spot on the land where we could see Kalalea clearly. We said our prayers and offered our gifts.

It was brief, but sacred, and marked a moment in time, where we consciously opened the portal to become parents.

How to Prepare A Preconception Ritual

Find objects that have meaning to you.

Crystals, feathers, photos, offerings like flowers or chocolate

Find land that has meaning to you.

A place you feel connected to, it could be in your backyard, or maybe on a hike.

Decide who you want to be there.

Is this just for you, for you and your partner, or do you want a close friend or two to attend?

Open the space by calling in your guides

Call in the spirit of your future child (or children)

Share your prayers

Give space for your partner to share their prayers (if they attend)

Listen. Meditate. Pray inwardly.

Leave the offerings

Close with Reverence

Another idea is to build an earth mandala as a part of your ritual and prayer.

This is an intuitively created design made from Earth materials (leaves, flowers, petals, sticks, stones, etc) adding beauty to the place where you leave your prayers.

When the space has been energetically set ~ be prepared that a pregnancy may arrive sooner than expected.

Tune in for the next post all about Conception. 😊

With love,
Meredith

Loss of the Maiden

The ground shakes beneath me,
I’m trying to hold on,
To any last thread,
Any memory of who I once was,
But it’s all already dissolved.

I have been lost.
Everything I once knew, gone.

There’s no going back,
As much as I’ve tried.

I searched dark caverns with lanterns for her,
But she is no longer there.

I am new now.
Just as my daughter is.

I longed for this change.
I prayed for this change.
It is here.
Now I must surrender to the depths,
The release,
Of who I once was.

Who am I now?
With her, without her,
She was both my destruction and my becoming.

~ Poem written by me in June 2023, my daughter was 15 months old

There’s something that happens when a woman has a child.

There is a death of her past self, and a period in between (the messy middle), when the caterpillar becomes mush inside the chrysalis before emerging as a butterfly.

It’s a time where a woman does not know who she is yet, but can no longer recognize who she was.

Some say that matrescence—the transformation a woman’s body and psyche undergo in becoming a mother—changes us as profoundly as adolescence. Both are thresholds marked by dramatic physical, emotional, and psychological shifts. It’s a time that some cultures honor with ritual and ceremony, rites of passage.

But sadly, in our culture, these rites of passage often go unmarked, and unwitnessed. We travel through them alone, within our homes, not quite sure who we will be on the other side, or how we will get there. We miss the stories of those who have gone through the passage before us. We miss the rites, the honoring, and the wisdom we could have gained from our elders along the way.

Maybe that’s part of the reason why so many women experience postpartum depression. The loss of the circle, the village, the community, the support, and the witnessing.

Ruth Barrett describes five blood mysteries women may undergo in life: our birth, the first menstrual cycle, giving birth to a child (becoming a mother), menopause, and death.

Our culture has lost the art of marking these powerful transitions as ritual, a rite of passage when someone is completely changed.

So much happens when a woman becomes a mother. Her body is different. Her relationship is different. How she views time is completely different.

New parents are often left to find their way—figuring out how to meet each other again, how to bond with this tiny new soul, and how to carry so many responsibilities that arrived overnight. In that overwhelm, the deeper spiritual transformation happening inside is rarely acknowledged. There’s just not enough time for it.

I probably experienced the hardest phase in my motherhood journey when my daughter was 12 to 18 months old.

I was weaning from breastfeeding, my hormones were rapidly changing, and I was experiencing a delayed postpartum depression. My tension headaches were at their worse. Then I experienced an unplanned pregnancy, followed by a miscarriage 8 weeks later. The loss ignited me to begin therapy, which revealed some uncovered wounds ready to heal, but not without facing a lot of unfelt pain and existential questions first.

There was a transformation happening, and I was still very much in the middle of it.

I couldn’t relate to who I was, and I didn’t quite know who I was becoming.

I was moving through an initiation that was going to take time to complete in order to emerge anew.

What is an initiation?

Kim Krans describes, “Initiations represent the big moments, junctures and situations in life that carry major significance along our journey. These are events that change us on a fundamental level. They are the big whammies of life. In the model of the Hero’s Journey they may be called “the ordeal.”

Think of falling in love, heartbreak, beyond heartbreak, death of a loved one, marriage, divorce, moving, having a child, facing a trial or experiencing a spiritual awakening that shakes your foundation. We know we have gone through an initiatory experience when the very fiber of life as we know it has changed.

We can’t go back to the person we were before, but we are not yet quite sure who the new self is… Eventually we come to understand that the initiations are markers of a deeply personal experience that connects us with the timeless story of humanity.”

Becoming a mother is an initiation, and I believe it is a time that deserves to be honored and witnessed in ritual.

What is Ritual?

Ritual brings a sense of magic, intention, and sacred presence into the rhythm of everyday life. It has the power to lift even the simplest action out of habit and turn it into something meaningful. A moment of blessing before a meal shifts how we receive nourishment. A candle lit at dawn, a song offered to the heart, a few quiet breaths—these small practices create pockets of peace in the midst of a full day.

Ritual also helps us acknowledge what is beginning and what is coming to a close.

At its core, ritual is about transformation.

We gather in ritual to honor something that matters—to welcome a new season, to grieve or release, to celebrate growth, to align with the lunar cycle, or to witness a turning point in our lives. Ritual gives shape to these moments, allowing us to move through them with intention, clarity, and grace.

Ritual is one of the most potent ways we can honor a major transition in our lives. It creates a sacred container where we are witnessed, affirmed, and held with intention. A well-crafted ritual can open the doorway to a new chapter, support a change already unfolding, or help us name and embody a transformation that has already taken root within us.

Ritual invites us to trust our intuition. It asks us to listen deeply, to improvise, and to show up fully to the present moment. We often work with symbols—objects or gestures that help us touch the deeper layers of meaning and bring the inner shift into conscious awareness.

Through ritual, we access what lives beneath the surface of our everyday mind—the shared field of wisdom, memory, and archetype that connects us all.

And when a ritual is truly alive, it engages all of us. The intuitive, imaginal parts of the right brain, and the verbal, meaning-making parts of the left. Through symbol, word, movement, rhythm, and presence, ritual becomes a whole-being experience—one that can guide us through change with clarity and grace.

For ritual to truly transform us, we have to meet it with our full presence. Transformation happens when we’re willing to participate with our whole hearts.

In group ritual, both witnessing and being witnessed become part of the medicine. We create a field of support for one another, allowing each person to be seen as they cross a threshold or honor a transition.

Ritual can also be deeply powerful when done alone.

In solo practice, we call upon the presence of spirit, our guides, and the unseen realms to serve as our witnesses. Even in solitude, we are held.

I’ve been reflecting on the initiation I moved through from the birth of my daughter in 2022 to now. The emotions I moved through, and the rituals that held me through such huge life transition.

So I’m writing: Maiden to Mother: Rites & Rituals to Honor the Passageway into Motherhood

In the book I’ll share rituals to honor the threshold of becoming a mother. Many of these I participated in myself, during a time of ripe undoing.

Because I’m still in the season of mothering a young child, I’m not sure when—or even if—this will become a physical book. But I want to honor the muse, so I’ll be sharing each chapter here on Substack as it’s written.

We’ll journey over three years: from preconception to about age 2.5. I’ll share vignettes of my own journey along the way. We’ll witness all the ways a woman is changed through this often overlooked rite of passage.

We’ll honor the myth and metaphor of motherhood.

May these rituals offer you simple, grounded ways to navigate change—inviting clarity, healing, and meaning into the often chaotic, beautiful unfolding of becoming a mother. My hope is you’ll become more familiar with the art of ritual and will listen to your intuition to create your own.

May it connect you to a sense of belonging to something timeless.

May it invite you to remember ancestral knowing, the lineage you have come from, and inspire you in all the ways you are weaving love, trust and beauty on the path of a priestess and/or mother.

Here’s a preview of what is to come:

Upgrade to paid to receive all the chapters including all the ones outlined below.

Introduction (what you’re receiving today)

1. Preconception

Ritual for Preconception ~ welcoming your baby home

2. Pregnancy

Inanna and the descent

Ritual for Making Peace with the Changes in Your Body

Creating a Birth Altar

Ritual for a Mother Blessing Ceremony

Ritual for Welcoming Baby

Rituals for Loss

3. Birth

The Labyrinth

A Process to Be with Pain

4. Postpartum

Ritual for the First 40 Days

Ritual for Placenta Honoring and Burial

Ritual for Birth Story Witnessing

5. The New Mother

Milestones: The first crawl, The first birthday, The first steps

Ritual for The End of Breastfeeding

Exiting the Labyrinth

Ritual for A Funeral for your Maiden Self

6. The Seasoned Mother

The Prenatal Village Circle

Creating a Community of Seen and Supported Mothers

I’m not yet sure how long each chapter will want to be, and some of this may change as I’m writing in real time. Some may arrive in several parts if that’s what the material calls for.

Thank you for being here. Keep reading in my next post ~

With love,

Meredith

In the summer of 2024 my partner and I spent our first night away from our daughter, time for just us to reconnect at one of our favorite hot springs. Our daughter was approaching age 2.5, a milestone that marked not only her growth, but also a return to myself.

~ A return to who I was and what I loved, but it was also a return to someone new who was still emerging.

That night I woke before dawn with creativity pouring through me. The outline and chapters of the book landed almost fully formed. I’ve carried the idea for over a year. Just last month I had a rare pocket of space to write, and already three chapters have come through.

This book is a collection of rituals and reflections to honor the passage from maiden to mother, drawn from my own season of unraveling and becoming.

I don’t yet know when—or if—it will become a physical book, but I want to honor the muse, so I’ll be sharing each chapter on Substack as it’s written.

We’ll journey over three years, from preconception through early motherhood, witnessing how profoundly a woman is changed along the way.

If you’d like to receive the full book as it unfolds, make sure you’re subscribed on Substack, and consider becoming a paid member to access all the chapters.

Update: The first chapter can now be read right here. 🎉

With love from my writer’s desk,
Meredith

She had been doing it since she was about 4 or 5 months old.

As a baby, it was celebrated. “Self-soothing” meant she could begin to fall back to sleep on her own.

But once she turned 1, then 2, I started to feel this mounting pressure—like it was now my job to get her to stop.

I worried about her palate, her teeth, and the long-term effects. I didn’t want to go down the orthodontic road if we didn’t have to.

So we tried everything—reading her books about finger sucking, gentle reminders, explanations, even a little velcro arm band that stopped her from bending her elbow.

Nothing worked.

So we decided to wait until she was 3. We told her, “When you turn 3, you’ll be a big girl and you can stop sucking your fingers.”

But 3 came and went, and nothing made a difference.

We meditated on it. We said a prayer for higher guidance. We handed it over to the divine. And because we didn’t know what else to do, we decided to completely let it go.

A few days before she turned 3.5, she was standing on her little balance bike and suddenly fell—hard. It didn’t even make sense. She wasn’t riding it, just standing there, and somehow lost her balance.

I ran to her and scooped her up. She was crying from the pain, and I felt that familiar, helpless ache mothers feel when there’s nothing we can do to take it away.

Then I noticed: she had landed on the two fingers she always sucked—her index and middle finger.

It took her awhile to calm down from the pain, and there was a cut. We soothed her and comforted her and gave her ice.

As it was all happening, I was there with complete love and support, but I also knew this was somehow being guided.

Earlier that day, I’d been listening to a podcast based on the teachings of Yogananda. He talked about bad habits as grooves in the mind. The mind is very used to following those patterns. They are set up and then strengthened with repetition. And we begin to crave them.

But he also reminded us that we can break habits (as well as negative thought patterns) through awareness and willpower.

He shared a story of how, when he first came to the U.S., he had never tasted coffee. But people kept inviting him to sit and chat over coffee, and eventually, he started to crave it. As soon as he noticed that craving, he stopped—just like that.

That same week, Ella and I had been reading Frog and Toad before bed. The story was about cookies, and how Frog and Toad struggled not to eat them. They tried putting the cookies in a box, then tying the box with a string, and then putting the box high up on a shelf—but nothing worked and they couldn’t stop.

Finally, they gave the cookies to the birds.

“Toad,” said Frog, “We may not have cookies, but we have lots and lots of willpower.”

That line always makes me smile—because the truth is, they had no willpower. They just removed the temptation.

But still, every night that week, Ella and I were talking about willpower—what it was and why it mattered.

We all have bad habits. They’re hard to break. Often, we need to hit some kind of rock bottom before we’re ready to make a change.

But Yogananda’s words reminded me: we can change. Through awareness, willpower, and choice.

That night, after the fall, her fingers hurt too much to suck. But that also meant—for the first time since she was a baby—she had to fall asleep without them.

I lay next to her, holding her through her tears.

She kept bringing her fingers to her mouth, pausing, with a desire to suck them so badly and then cried because they hurt too much to suck. Over and over again. That mental groove was still there, and it was so hard not to follow it.

I whispered, “You can do this, Ella. You have willpower.”

I told her how brave she was, how much I loved her, and that I believed in her.

We tried breathing exercises, meditations. Eventually, she fell asleep.

It was probably the hardest thing she’d ever done up to that point—sitting with the discomfort of not doing what she desperately wanted to do.

I remembered in Yogananda’s lecture he had said the first few times are the hardest, and then it gets easier.

That night, I could feel her guides with us, holding space, cheering her on.

She woke up a few times, still unable to soothe herself the usual way, and each time she cried. I just held her and sent her love.

But she made it through.

Then she made it through the next night.

And the one after that.

By the end of the weekend, she came to me glowing:
“Mommy, I don’t need to suck my fingers anymore!”

I was so proud. She did it. The thing I had no idea how she would ever overcome—she did it, in her own time, in her own way.

In the end, we didn’t need to force it. We just had to trust. Faith, patience, and a little divine intervention did the rest.

What’s your relationship to bad habits, mental habits and willpower?
What about prayer and letting go?
Are there any bad habits (or ways of thinking) you’re ready to release?

Sending this as a little reminder of the willpower we can cultivate when we put our mind to it.

xoxo
Meredith

Note: This post is part of my Spiritual Motherhood section. Moving forward I’ll be sharing insights and articles on four topics: the Priestess Path, Yoga Wisdom, Spiritual Motherhood and the Rising Women Leaders Podcast.

If you’d prefer to only receive certain topics, you can update your preferences anytime by clicking Manage your subscription